Sunday, January 2, 2011

Because our pride disallows it...

There are times when we question ourselves, "How different would things have been if I didn't do it that way?". We ask ourselves whether things would have been better if we didn't make that life changing decision or if we had chosen some other option. We doubt ourselves and then inevitably end up regretting.

But not always. Sometimes we trick ourselves into believing that indeed, we did not make the wrong choice. That indeed, we were right, and not anyone else who advised against it. That indeed, despite all contrasting evidence, that somehow, our lives are better because of that decision. We lie to ourselves.

We created this need for falsehood because we have obligated ourselves to others. Because if we admitted that we had made a mistake, we would be admitting not just to ourselves, but to everyone else. Then we realize that it was never a personal decision, it was one made by everyone. It was not solely our decision but rather one that had more approval than disapproval. We realize it wasn't the number of "Yes"es that we got but rather how much each "Yes" was worth. Now we want to regret, but our pride disallows it. Because we weren't here just for ourselves, We were also here for everyone else. We were here to prove the "Yes"es and disprove the "No"s.

We call these obligations "responsibilities" so we can attach positive connotations to it. We dupe ourselves into believing that we aren't living for others, but rather, that we are living for ourselves. That we actually want to fulfil these obligations. And because we want these obligations, they aren't obligations, they are responsibilities.

No comments: