Monday, October 13, 2008

Homo Idiotus

A recent study has discovered a new type of Homo (genus) called the Homo Idiotus. This species of Human has successful masked itself as a Homo Sapien (what most of us are) over the years so as to remain undetected by us. Although their appearance are similar to ours, they also bear a resemblance to monkeys. The greatest difference between us and the Homo Idiotus species is what we term "intelligence". Although somewhat similar to monkeys in terms of capabilities, the Idiotus species possess only a slightly higher level of organized thought. The Homo Idiotus species can only be found in Singapore. These species are, in slang, called "Ah Bengs".

Much like how a body louse infests our body, the Homo Idiotus species infests the Singapore culture with it's intellect. Members of the Homo Idiotus behave irrationally because of their small brain which effectively renders them completely impervious to the realistic forces of reasoning. This makes them a very volatile breed. However, there is no need to fear as majority of the Idiotus species are only aggressive at face value, very much like a dog with a lot of bark but no bite. Two common behaviorial characteristics of the Homo Idiotus are the pretentions of courage and intelligence, when in truth they really have neither. According to study, these breed of Homos have no desire to progress, very much unlike us. Their sole purpose of existence is to survive. If there was one thing the Idiotus species are good at, it's surviving. Like weeds, they will simply sprout out more when you stomp one. The reason for this is their innate carnal desire to have sexual intercourse with basically anything that moves. With no regard for the consequences or the desire to have babies, their engagement in intercourse is based off the sole reason of enjoyment. Their offspring is simply the aftermath of the deed.

As mentioned earlier, the Homo Idiotus are capable of some organized thought. Majority of these Idiots have clans, or "gangs" as they call it, fighting over territory which, in reality, does not truly belong to them anyway. These clans that they form hold rules and conduct governed by a political concept called "Idiocracy". As they are ultimately incapable of organized thoughts, they resort to their instincts to gather the basic commodities which results in what we humans call "crime". With no regard for laws or rules, they simply take what they want when they can. Should there be an obstacle of any sort, their first option would be to usually run straight at it, hoping that somehow they can physically dominate it. (E.g. Running straight at a law enforcement officer who is pointing a gun straight at him.)

The Homo Idiotus phenomenon is a thriving epidemic that is detrimental to Singapore's welfare. What make these parasites so dangerous is the grotesque ability to infect our young with their mentality. It is vital to note that your child has been infected when he tells you that he has a 大哥 or "Big Brother". This means that somehow one of these horrendous mutations of the human species have actually convinced your child to follow his steps. This will devolve your child into a Homo Idiotus member when he grows up. The best approach for treatment would be to quickly eradicate all beliefs instilled into your child by this distorted species of human beings. The next step would be to ensure he is properly sufficed with an education. The best repellant against the Idiots is a strong foundation of rationality.

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